Very excited to have this guest review by my buddy Jamie "J-Dog" Gallagher. Jamie is a salesman by trade with a 3rd degree black belt in bullshitting. He bravely trekked the evacuation zone that is Cardiff on a Monday night, and this is his story.
If Meathead eats runs a complaints department this should probably be recorded there..........
Since January the 2nd I have been on a healthy eating
kick, like so many! (Sorry miss Meathead, we are cluttering up your gyms!) But
sort of once a week I allow myself to fall off the metaphoric wagon, sort of
keeps me sane!
I was in Cardiff for one night and one night only and the
cruel mistress that is fate had deemed to make this messianic visitation on a
Monday evening, which is the rockingest night in one of Europe's premier
capital cities. Luckily I wasn't alone, I was hanging out with Declan Maguire. Think
of the two of us as Han solo and Chewbacca of the outsourcing world. (Me being
Han, just for your reference)
So, get to the point I hear you cry (if you made it this
far!). I reach out to Mr Meat of the Head and ask for a recommendation of the
burger variety and sure enough he comes back fast and hard with a recommendation of
'the urban tap house'. We check out the
menu and it looks great.
So, we are sold. The pictures look great of the food, but
then again what kind of dummy would put shitty pictures of food on their
website?
We secure the Millennium Falcon in the Millennium Stadium
(seemed the obvious place to park). In we strode into the Tap house which is
vaguely reminiscent of the Mos Eisley Cantina, greeted with a slightly mildew
smell combined with the pungent aroma of beer and cooking fat hanging in the
air, a veritable myriad of beers on sale in bottles and on the tap. (FOCUS. we're here to talk burgers not beer!)
I ask the nice bar lady can we sit anywhere and order
food from her and then it happens. Ker-Blam: 'Kitchen shuts at 6pm on a Monday'. Time check, it's 8pm. This has to go down as a Meathead fail. Hold on didn't he
give us a backup?........Gourmet Burger kitchen it is then! Maybe just a quick
glass of Oyster Tea stout before we leave! (Very nice, malty and tasty, please
don't drink if you're allergic to oysters they are used in the brewing process)
So, we leave the Falcon (never drink and drive kids) and
take the walk cross town discovering that Cardiff is coming like a ghost town
on Monday night! Many eateries shut. All the robotic eateries seem to be full,
'Jamie's, Waggas & Carluccios' but we have a hankering for burgers.
We enter 'Gourmet Burger Kitchen' first impressions -
It's bright, and cold. No one greets us, we find our own table and sit down - a
smiley girl approaches, gives us 2 menus and we review - there's no chilli
burger (cue disappointment). These burgers got some fancy names: 'Smokin Joe,
Camemburger, Wellington & the Blazing Sombrero (Y'all heard about that one
already). I select one called The Taxidriver (RH): American cheese, onion ring,
Cajun relish, smoked chilli mayo, dill pickle, salad, brioche bun. Mrs G always
says I order too many sides. I don't want to let her down, so I order 3, fries,
onion rings and slaw. The Wookie orders the same.
We order some monkey nuts while we wait and pretend we
like them and make small talk while we wait for for the beef pattie party to
starty.
Boom . Here's the beer. 2 larger Budvars (Can't go wrong. Reviewed many budvars over the years - some on the way down, some on the way up! Down
is better!)
Starters arrive. Ker-Poww
Onion rings perfectly cooked bags of crunch;; Jalapeno
slaw lovely fries tasted like matchsticks (avoid or get the thick ones I'd
say)
Anyhow side show bob can only take you so far - Bring out
the main event!
The Taxi Drivers arrive - we get our ride. We're not
disappointed. The first half is lovely - moist and juicy. The mayo and the relish
work really well together and there's a cheeky onion ring slipped in which has
a reassuring crunch. All topped with American cheese (which can make anything taste
cheap). Its amazing - we hacked it slightly and added bacon which was awesome -
this is truly diabetes in a bun! Luckily the chef forgot to put lettuce and
tomato on it, so we made a calorie saving there. (phew!) I don't think it
needed this vegetation on it anyway.
Chewie was making appreciative noises too. Order your
burgers one under how you like them as they are served straight off the grill
and continue to cook a while, making the 2nd half of your burger not as good as
the first.
I 'd give it a solid 7/10 overall.
Now, I'd like to tell you I fought the good fight that
day and no burger survived but that's not true, I couldn't manage it all and
left some to go to the swill bucket, but I sent most of that burger to Burger
Heaven!
So Mr Meathead came through in the end and I am looking
forward to hitting 'Five Guys' in Reading with him real soon. (Don't worry Mr
meathead I'll check the opening times)
Til next time here's wishing y'all Two all-beef patties,
special sauce, lettuce, cheese pickles onions on a sesame seed bun!
I'm out
J
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